Folks, the doom is here, and the damage already done! The office has been taken over by bloodsucking degenerate creatures, some of which have no honor at all and attack from blind spots or while women and children are sleeping! The origins of these beasts is unknown, but I suspect they come from some underground colony under Texas and there’s no hope left but to flee at top speed into the unknown, in hopes of 100% survival!
The first hit came when the internet was taken over by vicious creatures with scowls on their face…It seemed as if they had been wading in an ocean of money and may have had dollar crabs eating at their genitals! It was truly a horrible sight, and I have been half blind since!
I have been left to die by these savage beats in a cave that is collapsing on itself, and am working on an escape as we speak…What scares me the most is the booze is getting low, and I have smoked all of my Pipe-Weed! Stay tuned for the heroic part of this story…the one where the class b consumers riot in the faces of the fat pig, and roast his corpse forever on an eternal fire! Praise the cactus, and down with Mordor!
Until then viewers,
U-hyu’-s-ti
-Towser

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